published a lady’s account of a romantic date with comedian Aziz Ansari that she says converted into “the worst evening” of her life. In conversation with NPR’s Kelly McEvers, two authors — Caitlin Flanagan for the Atlantic and Anna North of Vox — discuss whether or not the tale defines a date that is bad intimate attack or one thing in between.


Folks are speaking a whole lot in what occurred following a supper date amongst the comedian Aziz Ansari and a woman that is young because of the name of Grace. That isn’t her real title. The web site Babe published her account of the date and said it safeguarded her identification because she is perhaps not really a figure that is public. Grace claims she chose to tell her tale after she saw Aziz Ansari winnings an honor at the other day’s Golden Globes. He had been using a pin to aid the motion against sexual assault and harassment.


Grace and Ansari came across at a celebration year that is last. They texted a while later. They eventually sought out. Grace defines just just what she states had been the night that is worst of her life. And also this tale has triggered a debate that is huge. Did she experience intimate attack as she stated, or had been it simply a negative date? We will hear from two ladies with different views. And demonstrably we will be touching on some themes that are mature which means this discussion is probably not ideal for all audience.

Anna North is by united statesing us. She actually is a senior reporter whom covers gender problems at Vox. greeting to the show.

ANNA NORTH: Many Thanks a great deal for having me.

MCEVERS: And Caitlin Flanagan is an author and contributing editor at The Atlantic. She actually is with us on Skype. Welcome to you.

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MCEVERS: okay, simply to set this story up a little more, Grace claims that things got real at Aziz Ansari’s apartment after supper. They kissed. He performed dental intercourse on her. She was asked by him to accomplish exactly the same. She shortly did. He had been desperate to have intercourse. She claims she’d attempt to go away from him and used, quote, “verbal and non-verbal cues” to exhibit she had been uncomfortable using the situation. Yet he kept attempting. She ultimately states she is going to phone a car or truck. She is got by him an Uber, and she will leave. And she feels violated. And i recently wish to ask you both – and we also’ll begin with Caitlin – that which was your very first effect whenever you check this out story?

FLANAGAN: I became actually amazed that this piece had known as this guy, kept the accuser’s name key after which had actually detailed a complete great deal of actions that i did not think at all qualified as intimate attack by just about any degree. I do believe he did some things that are dishonorable. I believe he did several things that, you realize, if I became allowed to be anyone in fee of approving or disapproving of just what he did, I believe there have been several things he did which weren’t good. Nonetheless it had been to date away from any standard that is journalistic. It had been thought by me personally ended up being actually shocking. And I also thought, that is a terrible thing to do in order to someone.

MCEVERS: And, Anna, think about you? Just just just What’d you believe?

NORTH: after all, seriously, my very first effect had been just type of recognition. That is a predicament that i have heard from my buddies. It is – the behavior she describes through Ansari is behavior that i have heard males confess to inside their lives that are own. Therefore I thought, like, yep, this seems genuine familiar. And I also did have questions regarding, should Babe have managed it in this manner? But finally, like, my thought that is first was tale – this can be simply therefore typical.

MCEVERS: And Caitlin, you had written, you realize, about sort of a generational divide whenever it comes down to circumstances such as this. It had been actually interesting. In your piece, you chatted concerning the publications – the written publications and mags which you read inside the ’60s as well as the ’70s as to what females needs to do in times similar to this. As well as on the main one hand, those mags, you realize, blamed you in the event that you wore too in short supply of a dress. But having said that, they told you to definitely keep your mad cash and hightail it if perhaps you were in times you don’t like, appropriate?

FLANAGAN: Well, i am talking about, once I glance at ladies – i am during my 50s – they have achieved therefore much that is simply – i am talking about, females my age simply relax in awe, you realize? Their objectives for professions, the forms of jobs each goes into, their battle become compensated similarly to guys – it’s breathtaking. However in that one core area, they may be therefore weak, that is they hop into these, you realize, hookup circumstances. We have zero moralistic comment on that.

After which they become terrified to express the fact if i don’t want to be kissed that we were taught right away – don’t kiss me. I absolutely refuse. I am walking away from here. As well as for somebody who’s such as the Aziz Ansari in this case who was simply setting up zero threatening behavior towards her, she said no precisely one some time their reaction had been, why don’t we place our clothing on. You understand, he did place her turn in their crotch a number of times, that will be undoubtedly incorrect. But it is – become exposed this real method, i believe, is crazy.